Fatherhood Questions

An unplanned pregnancy is often a confusing or scary time for both of you. At RealOptions Obria Medical Clinics, we are here to help you and your partner. When you first hear that your partner may be pregnant, you will probably be flooded with a variety of thoughts and emotions. You may have mixed feelings at the idea of her continuing with the pregnancy or at the thought of ending the pregnancy. Being emotionally supportive is one of the best ways to help your partner and yourself. Open communication is very effective and letting her know that you are there for her will provide some comfort. You are both in this together.

Many men have been taught that it’s a woman’s “right to choose” but that does not mean that she doesn’t want to hear your feelings and opinions. In our experience, most women simply want to know their partner cares. She typically doesn’t want to be pressured one way or the other, but she does want to know your thoughts and emotions regarding the situation.

You may feel guilty, confused, scared, sad, or even angry. Attempting to understand the other person’s perspective may be helpful. Focusing on fault, placing blame or questioning why it happened is not beneficial when faced with making a decision. Instead, put your energy into the present and the future. Let her know that you are there for her and will do what you can to help.

Deciding what the best option is may be difficult if your preferences are not the same. For example, if you would like her to keep the baby and she chooses to have an abortion, it may be especially difficult. It is important to talk to her about your moral, ethical, and spiritual beliefs.

If she doesn’t want to be a parent, but you’re still thinking about it, consider that…

  • You could parent through adoption
  • You could offer to financially support her and the baby
  • You could ask a relative to help you raise your child
  • You both could choose parents to raise your child through open adoption

However, there is still the possibility that she will make a choice with which you don’t agree. If this is the case, and she chooses not to speak to you, it is recommended that you talk to someone. Talking to a friend, family member, or a person from your church may be helpful. Do not try to go through this alone.

If your partner had an abortion against your desires, it is normal to go through a period of grief for your loss. Finding someone you feel comfortable speaking with is important. RealOptions offers support should you need a confidential place to share your feelings. If she wants to keep the baby, but you don’t, there may be challenges. You may feel unprepared and overwhelmed. It is not unusual to think a baby will change your life in a negative way. Or you may not wish to continue the relationship with your partner and feel that having a child with her will keep you connected to her. If you are uncomfortable dealing with her and you do want to be involved in your child’s life, it may help to arrange visitation through a friend or family member.

If your partner/friend is pregnant, there are many ways to show her you care:

  • Be willing to talk to her about the pregnancy, no matter how you feel. Be constructive in your comments and explore all options before making the final decision.
  • Check in with her often to see how she is feeling.
  • To help her feel special, bring her a flower or write her a note.
  • Be understanding of her pregnancy symptoms. The nausea, fatigue, irritability and moodiness are normal, especially early in her pregnancy.
  • If she has an abortion, she may have some anxiety, regrets, depression, and sadness. Let her talk about her feelings without taking it personally. She may find our pregnancy loss healing programs helpful.
  • If she needs more support than you can give her, suggest she get professional counseling.

Call us for a variety of resources and support. The RealOptions staff is available to support you. We Have male Optimal Health Coaches available to meet with you and female Optimal Health Coaches available for your partner so that you may both learn about all of your options and be equipped to make an informed decision.

Schedule an appointment at one of our locations today or call:

400 30th St #401
Oakland, CA 94609
(510) 891-9998

801 Brewster Ave Unit 21
Redwood City, CA 94063
(650) 261-9115

1671 The Alameda, #101
San Jose, CA
(408) 978-9310

12 N White Rd
San Jose, CA
(408) 272-5577

33523 Western Ave.
Union City, CA 94857
(510) 487-4357